Beyond My Wildest Imagination
Someone asked me to imagine my wildest and best thing…. And my first thought was “no thanks, I’m zonked.” Can imagining make you tired? I imagine it can Like any muscle overused it gets torn and worn and in this case because of all the cognitive function involved in the workout, perhaps even forlorn I wonder if I can imagine an imagination so robust that it never tires from imagining that that might be the wildest best thing ever. An idea machine right inside my head that was simultaneously inexhaustible and energizing. Instead of exhausting and ephemeral. Let us put this to the test….what will my wild and best imagination create next? Well, that’s a lot of pressure. I guess if this is my wildest imagination, then it might be worth exploring what it means to be wild. Uninhibited. Unbridled Undefined and undefinable Some might say unhinged Others might say unglued But if a wild stallion channels that passion We say it is unfairly imbued With talent, with gifts, with a rare unique “it” factor Wild means you aren’t tame yet Wild means you don’t have rules or culture or worry about what others in your pack, gaggle, tribe, herd, murder or family think of you. Wild means your behavior isn’t so well thought out. Because your impulses don’t come from something so impoverished as mere “thought”, they come from energy, a heart fire so ineffable, trying to explain it seems like a waste of words even though words are infinite. If you pour something infinite into a bottomless abyss what do you get? A river? A waterfall? A black hole? A loop? A loophole? A paradox? Where does it end? Does it even have one? So my wildest and best thing might just be my wildest imagination, because it contains everything. You know like when you find a genie bottle and one of your three wishes has to be for unlimited more wishes. It’s like that. I want my imagination to be just like that. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of, I did so in my wildest imagination. Everything I’ve ever hope for, I did so in my wildest imagination. Nothing is beyond it, despite our reductive turns of phrase And nothing can escape from it. It is my entire world, created and about to be created. This is how to not get exhausted while imagining. Stay present with the state of being your imaginings bring you. Stay present now. Imagine now. Enjoy the imagining, know it is yours already. So often I look at my imagined creations as failures that have yet to even be, desires so lofty they remind me I am a failure before I even start. But what if instead, these imagined creations were evidence, exhibits A-Z in an open and shut case proving my certain success. Geez, I can only imagine.
What Inspires Awe?
In my writer’s group of fellow Wayfinder Coaches we were given the following prompt by a fellow coach: PROMPT: What brings you a sense of awe in your life and environment? What Inspires Awe? Volcanoes inspire awe Unless they are on a post card, then they’re awful. Babies being born inspire awe Unless they’re on tv sitcoms, they they’re awful Lightening strikes are awesome Unless they’re in a blog photo, then they’re awful Weddings inspire awe, Wait, who am I kidding, no they don’t. They’re just kind of boring and lead to snoring Or lots of drinking and overthinking Funerals don’t inspire awe but dead bodies seem to. Birds flying in formation are awesome Planes flying in formation are awesome The pyramid rock formations are awesomer still But what is most awesome of all is brave people breaking formation Dropping the etiquette like they’re all wasps from Connecticut And forgetting their manners and burning their day planners Violence inspires awe And in this noisy world so does silence Fear and tragedy inspire awe And punch you right in the jaw But there is one most obvious truth, so plain it seems almost mundane But it is truly true every second if our awareness can remain… The truth is the fact that life itself is alive. A field of experience thinking, and reasoning, and aligning on purpose for our highest good. Until we get in the way and short circuit this awesome process of living in the present moment. Life conspires, deliberately, to bring us fulfillment. It seems awesome to me, absolutely awesome that life is this responsive, this benevolent, this persistent and consistent and insistent. And yet, we find it all so easy to forget, to disbelieve, to write off as fairy tales and adventure stories. How awesome to be living in the middle of our very own adventure story, with life as our ally, our faithful sidekick, our trusty steed, or consigliere, our beloved, and being blind to it the entire time….that is so incalculably hard to understand that I find it simply inspires a sense of awe.
Existing Infinitely (Verbing Adverbally: The ‘Core Values’ Coaching Tool In Action)
In Martha Beck’s new book The Way Of Integrity she talks about using a verb + adverb phrase to discover your core values. For example it might be living (the verb) and courageously (the adverb), or loving fully, or chewing quietly (that’s one I’m still trying to master). In a writer’s group I belong to that is populated by fellow Wayfinder Coaches one of them suggested we use the model of a verb + adverb phrase to do a writing prompt to help us uncover our core values as a coach and a human being. You can check out what I came up with below in the 12 minutes we get to write in that group! That twelve minutes flies by faster than a Sessna crashing into the sea. Try combining a verb adverb phrase that represents a core value for you, and write about it. Then let me know in the comments how it went. Much Love Life Story Hackers. Existing Infinitely The culturally acceptable: Living Selflessly Caring Feverishly Obeying Politely Disagreeing Cautiously with out raising your voice The culturally encouraged: Proving Endlessly Achieving Relentlessly Boasting Subtly Giving Mindlessly to the non-profit of your choice From a broken place: Frittering Aimlessly Struggling Constantly Ruminating Involuntarily People Pleasing Perpetually while making very little noise From a place of privilege: Spending Carelessly Eating Mindlessly Commenting Blindly Learning Slowly and having it all explained twice From a place of victimhood: Suffering Silently Blaming Utterly Deteriorating Steadily Dying Regretfully, without every rolling the dice My deepest truth: Enjoying Wholeheartedly Luxuriating Ferociously Relaxing Deliberately Entertaining Consciously, because wouldn’t that be nice? My improbable dream:Influencing Humbly Prospering Completely Mastering Peacefully Teaching and Serving and eating pizza by the slice
WRITING PROMPT: “To Be Continued”
To be continued means we want your attention The story’s not over, there’s a twist, did I mention She has an evil twin from another dimension To be continued means you tune in watch next week Because she’s pregnant and kidnapped down by the creek And her lover was a con artist, a regular sneak To be continued means somebody unexpected might die Someone beloved, or the suspense was a lie Because they want us asking ourselves “why oh why? To be continued means keep this channel on longer And buy useless crap after these words from our sponsor Manipulating us using models covered in bronzer To be continued seems to always mean danger A major guest start playing a mysterious stranger There’s nothing worse than a shocking cliff-hanger To be continued could also mean I’m eternal I like that thought so I feel for my journal And try to capture the truth, even if just a kernel
A Peek Into the Future
I facilitate a writer’s group with the Stratford Arts Alliance that meets every second Saturday of the month. In April one of the prompts was to “imagine what it would be like if you could peek into the future.” My ramblings are below: I don’t want to look, I’m afraid of what’s out there In the land past this moment, past the unpredictable unfolding of events in every newly emerging unit of time. If I became certain, got to look behind the curtain, I’d hold fast to specific outcomes and forget to wonder, forget to find freedom in mystery and forget the joy of watching events unfurl before me in a way that is both haphazard and synchronistic at the same time. I’d miss the way life weaves chaos and catastrophe into majesty and miracle. It would be spoiled like when you watch a behind the scenes special on the making of your favorite movie and now all you see when you watch the movie is where the wires and the green screen and the cameras are. The illusion is lost because you got to peek inside. I’d start to become delusional if you showed me my future, Thinking I deserve exactly that one, and if it’s a bad one then I am bad, right?And if it’s a good one, but just one of many probables then I suddenly have something to measure up to, to be responsible for, to try and attain or achieve, but I’ve got nothing up my sleeve So I’d rather not know. I’d rather not see I’d rather live in the quicksand of uncertainty Because even if I’m sinking, or overthinking, or flinching and blinking I’m living here now in the present moment, where I can see the universe winking And suddenly I notice that vine to grab onto that had been there all the time, or mercifully fallen just when I let go of any idea that things could be any different. I surrender to the sinking feeling in the present moment Don’t run away from my dread, or my pounding head And feel the entire uncomfortable truth of every single one of my feelings and failings That I know leads me to healings and prevailings, But I don’t know what, or when or how, and I think I like it like that. Don’t let me peek at my unknown future, I like the unknown quality and don’t want that blown to smithereens by some glimpse at some version of what could possibly happen. I’d rather not live that way, so I can truly say I’d prefer to live wondering, and let come what may.
My Morning Inner Narrative
I’m too tired to chant today. But it makes you feel better Yea but you taught a night class, and sleep makes you feel better. Just chant Its fine if you don’t chant. Well either way you’re not going to feel guilty, that’s just a waste. You’ve evolved past guilt. Evolution doesn’t mean you don’t feel guilt. *knots rising in my stomach Aw fuck, I should just chant. But it’s five minuets past the time I’d normally chant. What if you just skipped it, and the calistenics, and the morning swim. The first thing you really HAVE to do is your client at 8:00. That’s a good three hour chunk of rest. Where’s my vape pen I have to pee. I don’t want to move I should just chant. I’m so dumb for not chanting. This could wreck my whole day.I’m not going to let this wreck my day. If I’m skipping then I need to deeply luxuriate in this restful repose. You’re a total waste with no discipline Harsh. Wow. I stilll really have to pee. What is my problem? Why don’t I want to get up today? I am a go getter. Get up Get the fuck up. *pees in a empty water bottle next to his bed. I wish I was the kind of person who chanted and had abs.I want to get off sugar.Be patient with yourself you just gave up caffeine *pulls cover over his head falls back to sleep
WRITING PROMPT: “Something Small that Leads to Positive Change”
Something small that lead to positive change is every single baby who ever did something worthwhile in their lives… Like, I don’t know, learning to walk, or laughing with joy Or holding their head up and keeping their food down. Something small that lead to positive change is every molecule that ever mattered or became matter Like the building blocks of life, nearly invisible, mostly empty space, And yet somehow they create everything, they are everything Something small that lead to positive change is every single lone voice that spoke up about something just because they knew they had to Like Rosa Parks, creating sparks Or Martin L. King with his big big dream Or that single girl that stood her ground and stopped a tank in its tracks Something small that lead to positive change is every single breath I take Because they never fail me, they just exhale me And with the grace of air, living surrounded by exactly what I need to survive I actually can thrive Something small that lead to positive change is every spider that ate a mosquito carrying malaria Or every hand that rubbed the back of somebody with hysteria Every calming word, especially those teeny tiny one syllable words Like, I don’t know, love, joy, peace, fuck, try, yes, no, hi, be, and give. Or every single small tear ever cried, or every time I little white lied when I thought I was embodying love even if it was a mistake Because my small mistakes create the ocean waves that somehow, miraculously, graciously, unconditionally, can end up smoothing the rough edges of somebody else’s suffering, Like sea glass made from a drunk man’s trash. Something small that lead to positive change is the minute before this one, and the second that comes after, because Every second I use to put my fulfillment first is a teeny tiny moment I can let my heart burst And shed of all of culture’s restrictions And drop all of my dogma and benedictions And I find myself waiting there in every minuscule moment The small things add up to big things and I don’t know how it happens Or why it happens But I know it’s orchestrated by a pervading conscious benevolent love that is made of oxygen and time and everything we see in this huge expansive wide world And that knowing, that revelation, for me, is truly no small thing at all.
WRITING PROMPT: “If I Knew It Would Turn Out Right I Would…”
If I knew it would turn our right I would tell more people about my Hollywood dreams. I would not second guess the value of making fictional TV stories. I would have more fun in the pursuit of the things I long to do more of. I might do community theatre. I’d spend more time querying book agents But really how would I spend my time if I knew it would turn out right? I’d write more stories. I’d write more screenplays and send them to more contests. I’d paint more often, just because I like to. And I think I’d practice the piano because I knew it would amount to something.I’d quit my job that has me administering other peoples plans And I’d rest in the foregone success of my own plans. I’d focus my attention into the thing I’m doing right now, because all the larger things, the dreams, the embarrassing, whimsical, almost childish dreams would take care of themselves. If I knew it would turn out right I’d surrender fully to life’s flow I’d drop preconceived notions and the search for magic potions And I’d take it all in, in slow motion, just rocked in the ocean of raw experience. Life would be taking care of me, supporting me. Requiring of me nothing but surrender. Nothing but the relaxed state of existence that all the other species enjoy until the few scattered moments when they are actually under attack, if ever at all. I’m not under any attacks, but there seems a capital crime in trying to relax How dare I take a deep breath When the world is blanketed in crisis and death But when I don’t breathe I’m really making an excuse Because I don’t know how to put my existence to good use So I sink in to the overwhelm, the quicksand of information A kind of starvation from any real truth as I gobble up the main stream media messages that feel like bandages keeping my free thinker all locked up tight under propaganda, stupidly distracted while watching a waving panda Scrolling is the new pocket watch and we’ve all been hypnotized. I guess if I knew it would turn out right I’d find a way to unplug every man, woman and child from the cultural propaganda machine that washes our minds but somehow makes us dirtier. I’d find a way to inoculate us from hook line and sinker I’d enshrine again the value of being a free thinker Or a mind in love with fun, and ideas with witch to tinker But since I’m not sure how it will all turn out, I guess I’ll stick to doing what I love. I’ll tell stories and make movies and allow people a place to escape from their struggle if only for a moment. I have to remember as I tell my stories That people can be hypnotized not only as a way to be controlled, but as a way to heal, as a way to liberate. It is that talisman I hope to wave over people’s willing eyes, softening minds and lingering addictions. But for now I’ll have to settle for poking fun at all the nightly news doomsday predictions. Because that’s good entertainment.
My Lack of Faith in Myself is Like Superhero Movies (The Metaphor Coaching Tool in Action)
I am currently finishing up my Wayfinder Life Coach training with Harvard trained sociologist and best selling author Martha Beck. One of the tools we learn to use is the metaphor tool. Using this tool we take something painful in our life (i.e. loneliness) and compare it to one of our favorite things (i.e. bowling). The idea is to re-wire your synapses in a way your brain never would do on its own. Can you think of any ways in which loneliness is like bowling? The essay below is my exploration into how my lack of faith in myself can be compared to super hero movies. Lack of faith being the pain point, and super hero movies being one of my absolute favorite things. Read the metaphorical essay and then take a stab at comparing something painful in your life to one of your favorite things. Don’t think too much, just write; and discover what hidden insights and wisdom are waiting for you on the other side of your metaphorical adventure. MY LEAST FAVORITE THING IS LIKE MY MOST FAVORITE THING: My lack of faith in myself is exhausting. Captain America was exhausted when fighting bad guys. My lack of faith is like the bad guy in super hero movies. So I’m the hero? That can’t be right. Well what am I then? I am the courage to be me. The courage to be me is like super hero movies because super heroes save the world and if I could just have the courage to be me I’d save myself. Being myself is hard, I grew up living the life of a double agent but I didn’t wait until after college to study spy craft. I went through LGBTQuantico when I was barely hitting puberty. Learning to exchange furtive glances and pretend girls were pretty. And have crushes that were a cover story for my secret identity. You know, like super hero movies. I was Superman. The entire world was Lois Lane. And I was in love with it. But it kept snooping and I was afraid it would be in danger if it found out my secret identity. Being gay was dangerous. Very dangerous for everyone involved. My lack of faith in myself is like superhero movies because it just keeps on going. It never gives up. It just continues to make me doubt myself, immobile, inept and indestructible. Like super heroes. It’s also like super hero movies because it spawns endless sequels. I’ve lost faith in myself II and I’ve lost faith in myself: The Origin Story. And The You’ll Never Amount To Anything franchise that spawns its own trilogy. Frozen in Fear. My lack of faith in myself is like superhero movies because it’s fun. It’s fun to watch myself tire of self doubt. To watch myself notice my thought storms and toxic forms of behavior, and my searching for a savior My lack of faith is like super hero movies because I get fully absorbed in it, lost in it. I have no sense of time going by but at the same time a dull anxiety about the movie’s run time ticking away back down to mundane everyday moment to moment living. My lack of faith in myself is like super hero movies because every time I do something hard, or something I never thought I could do, I’m reliving act three, battling it out to an epic crescendo and then, against all odds, something good comes my way. A victory. Or an opportunity. Or an even bigger threat. You know, like super hero movies. Super hero movies can let me down, just like my lack of faith. Sometimes the stories don’t ring true. Like the one I tell about my lack of faith in myself. Or that first long boring Hulk movie. Or Arnold Schwartzennager as Mr. Freeze. That definitely breaks trust. I know I deserve my trust, my own support, but like super hero movies sometimes I shy away from the gripping story of truth for the saccharine story of triumph. And it doesn’t always ring true. Like X-Men III: The Last Stand, which disappointed me as much as my own lack of faith in myself. Super hero movie are just copies of remakes of older stories from other places like comic books. Like my lack of faith in myself, passed down by my traumatized family to a traumatized little boy, I am just a remake, a reboot of a previous generation. I’m just hoping the writer’s go somewhere unexpected this time. A remake, but with a twist. My lack of faith is like super hero movies because it is a fantasy. It’s one that I watch constantly and it brings me a sort of perverse comfort. The time wasting of a super hero movie is replaced by the paralyzation of my lack of faith in myself. Trading wasting time for wasting potential. You know, like the villains in super hero movies. There is always something that’s hard to believe in super hero movies, just like it is hard to believe in myself. What do I deserve? Well, one hell of act three, you can bet your ass on that.
A Dream Come True
The prompt was “A Dream Come True” which had me suddenly grappling with my lofty dreams up close against my sometimes mundane realities day to day. I coach people through this, yet here I am, struggling to find my balance while I dare to tip toe ever forward toward my wildly improbable future. Dreaming almost sometimes seems to make it even harder to be in the present moment because it is utterly droll by comparison to our whimsical, detailed, dreams which hold all the promise of our perpetual and gratifying fulfillment. I’m still learning how to navigate the world while navigating with my heart instead of my head or my automatic programmed responses. We had three minutes on the clock and this is what came out. Thanks for reading. -Brian WRITING PROMPT: Dreams are real but the coming true is a cliche At least that’s what all the people say Are they the ones who never try And pile up regrets and cigarettes before they die? Or did they try and try and just utterly fail? And so dreams coming true makes their mind flail Or are they just on the verge of a dream coming true And stopping now would be crazy, like walking in glue Just one more step, keep lifting up that shoe Keep walking, keep dreaming, perhaps that’s the way through.
