DAY 1: 10 Seconds of Gazing
The gazing finally begins. Brett and I raced to the top of the canyon again this morning but I was feeling more settled and at peace because we knew exactly where to park and exactly where to stand due to our dress rehearsal during our dry run two days ago. The sun was set to rise at 6:31am, which means at our vantage point from the top of the canyon its approximately 6:43 when the sun peeks over to say hello. We were running a little behind schedule so we parked quickly and started at a pace to our spot, it was already 6:48 and I didn’t want to stare at a white hot ball again like we did during our prep day yesterday. Our friend and neighbor Nikki heard about our experiment and decided to join in as well. She met us at the top just as we were heading down the path and by this time the sun was fully awake and hanging low in the sky on the brighter side of yellow. So we decided to forget heading down the path and just dug our bare feet into a patch of soil at the edge of the parking lot where we could see the fiery eye just fine. I took out my timer, and when each of the gazers said they were ready I hit start, said go, and we began the ten seconds of gazing. As one might expect it was over it a flash, I mean it was so quick it felt like it was all of ten seconds long. When it was finished there were tears in my eyes and a pressure and a warmth in my forehead. But I felt giddy. We all did. We excitedly gabbed about our experiences like school girls talking about the new hot boy in gym class as we made our way back to our cars. Or I guess I should say school boys too, because who am I kidding, any hot guy that walked into my gym class made me want to giggle with excitement when I was in high school. If it wasn’t for the heavy oak closet door I was hiding behind, I would have gossiped with the giddy girls every chance I could. The pressure in my face wasn’t unpleasant at all this time, it was merely a fact of the gaze’s aftermath, harmless but noticeable, like the lingering sent of perfume hanging in the air long after the lady wearing it has disappeared into the night. I don’t know if the giddiness I have felt after all three of my gazing sessions so far (Day One and the two dress rehearsals this weekend) is an instant and immediate effect of the sungazing itself or if it’s the sweet taste of accomplishment and pride for having made it to the top of the canyon at the ass crack of dawn and honoring the commitment I made to myself. Time will tell. For now I will just enjoy the giddiness for what it is, a splendid mood that seems to be carrying me through my days and landing me gently on my pillow the last three nights. There has been no change in my eating habits. As I type this I just finished up a tomato and mozzarella panini and I’m nursing an iced chai tea latte. I love food and I particularly love junk food. But I also love being in great shape. If the gazing can take some of my more destructive appetites away, I am all for it. I’ve been reading a book this week called “The Earth Was Flat: Insight into the Ancient Practice of Sungazing” and in it author Mason Howe Dwinell says that according to his research the sunlight, when taken in through the eyes, can not only diminish one’s need for food, but it can actually tighten up muscles and melt fat cells away. As I read that I was hit with a rush of joy because, holy shit, I can just stand there and stare, and my stomach tire is just going to melt away! I’ve struck gold. But then I started to think I had heard something like this before. But where? Oh yeah, on every infomercial for every slim fast shake or diet wonder pill out there that makes the same basic claim: go ahead and eat crap and do nothing, but as long as you take this pill or drink this proprietary blend you will have the body you want in no time at all. I felt deflated. On the one hand, these claims of fat melting away seemed preposterous. But on the other hand I was up here staring at the sun to see if I can miraculously heal my gums and gain the ability to read minds. So if I’m willing to make the trek up to the top of the canyon every morning to pursue miracle healing and super powers it started to seem a little absurd to doubt that the sun might work on my physique better than weight watchers would. I don’t know if the sun can change my body like that, but I am definitely interested in finding out. So the experiment goes on. I realize it is my doubt in this process that made me want to embark on this quest to begin with; but it is my faith in the process that motivates me to drag my ass up to the top of the canyon every morning to do what we have all been repeatedly warned not to do: to open my eyes wide and stare directly into the sun. I never was very good at doing what I was told. SIDE EFFECTS: I felt the skull pressure again, but less intense than during the dry run. BENEFITS: There is a giddiness that comes out of nowhere and seems to last all day long.
FINAL PREPARATION: 12 Seconds of Gazing
Today Brett & I decided to keep the momentum from yesterday alive and do another pre-”day one” day of sun gazing. But we wanted to explore other vistas. So upon the advice of his teacher we headed for Beachwood Canyon, which is aptly named, because despite how high we climbed, the mountain in front of the sun just kept insisting on remaining higher. We were in a canyon indeed. We had to wait until 35 minutes after the official sunrise to see the disc today and that meant she was gonna be brighter and more intense than she is when she’s still stretching and yawning with that orange amber glow like yesterday. We made small talk and buried our toes in sand as we waited for an eternity to see the light show. Unlike yesterday I knew the sun was going to show up today, but to me, she was late and without so much as a phone call! We saw two bunnies hopping along haplessly and we whistled to the birds, who in a grand symphony whistled and chirped back. But the whimsy of the moment turned to wondering where the hell the sun was; we were freezing our asses off up there. The buried toes became tapping toes as we glared at one other like two mystified and flabbergasted parents who couldn’t believe their disrespectful child would keep them waiting like this. When she finally showed, she was, as predicted in a harsh mood. After staring at the sun for twelve seconds my eyes were full of tears and my skull behind my eyes was pulsating and warm. It felt like sinus pressure, but it came from the gazing. I’m just going to take it one day at a time. As my skull pressure returned to normal I remembered the phrase written on the tomb of Hermes that was said to be the key to the whole universe: “as above so below, as within so without.” Maybe the sun beams had burned my brains but I began to wonder what if this were to be taken literally? Everything in our physical world is made up of molecules. These molecules, according to quantum physics are little vibrating balls of energy, even the stuff that looks solid. Stuff looks solid because molecules are so small that we can’t see the vibration. So at one point we discovered that molecules are the smallest thing in the universe. But as we zoom closer into any molecule, we notice that it is really atoms flying around in orbital patterns that make up a molecule. So an atom is the smallest thing in the universe. Then as we take a deeper look we see that atoms are really protons, neutrons and electrons all flying in orbital patterns around each other. So clearly, protons, neutrons and electrons are the smallest things in the universe. As our gaze turns back to the particles we see a whole mess of stuff crammed inside the protons, neutrons and electrons, and running out of normal sounding words at this point, scientists decide to call those quarks. It’s decided! Quarks are the smallest things in the whole universe. But are they? At this point another sweeping statement of finality leaves me dubious. After all, the earth was flat once and fire was the devil. So I’m gonna play this one close to vest; I’m thinking our human collective opinion may change yet again. I’m almost sure of it. This got me thinking about orbits and about how we are living on a sort of massive proton spinning around the sun, and how the sun is just a massive atom spinning around the galaxy. And how the galaxy is just a massive molecule existing somewhere in the universe. “Does that make me a quark?” I wondered. Or am I even smaller than that? Am I the detail on the quark or in the quark that science hasn’t yet invented the way to see or the name for? Is it possible that as much detail and creativity and tragedy and triumph and beauty and destruction and invention as exists on this planet also exists on or in each and every quark? As within, so without, as above so below. I’m thinking, yeah, maybe. The idea of life being a fractal, when taken poetically can lift our spirits. When taken literally, however, it can begin to explain why some things just can’t be explained. We say tidal waves are from weather patterns and earthquakes are from shifting crusts. But we don’t explore what is the motivating force behind the weather, behind the crusts, that makes them move at all? What if these disasters are just the result of existence at a different scale of size getting off the couch, or hopping into the shower? If everything is molecules, from the water to my skin then I could imagine that anytime I shower that could be the equivalent of a meteor shower for the little details who live their lives to scale on one of the planets on one of the protons on my face as I splash myself happily with warm water, tidal wave after tidal wave, and to me it’s harmless good hygiene. But to them the time from morning to each morning is perhaps 26,000 years. What if eclipses are when lovers at a larger scale of existence kiss or make love. I’m not sure of all the details, but speaking as one of the details, I know that every last detail is important. The benevolence of the universe is that we exist at every level. This renders every “act of god” harmless and meaningless because God didn’t mean to hurt us anymore than we mean to hurt the consciousness living inside our quarks when we slide into home plate or burn our hands on the frying pan. I am within the molecule. I am the molecule. The molecule is within me. I’m not sure where that leaves me, and
THE DRY RUN: 15 SECONDS of GAZING
Brett and I decided to do a “dry run” today so that we could make sure to find a good spot at the top of the canyon to observe the rising disc, and also to time out the drive from the morning yoga & chanting session to the canyon. The first official day of Sun-Gazing is this Monday April 7th, two days from now, so we are preparing ourselves. We made our way from the Golden Bridge Yoga Studio to the top of the canyon in a giddy buzz of excitement and palpable anticipation. Anything could happen now and we both knew it. The gays were on there way to gaze! We made it to the top of the canyon and found a parking spot with no problem at all. As we walked down the path looking for a clear view I noticed butterflies doing the hokey pokey in my stomach. I can only assume they were dancing in anticipation of the solar sun rays that were about to enhance every aspect of my being. Or possibly they were aflutter because I was feeling stupid for thinking that gazing at the sun could fix all my problems and how would I admit that on my blog today when all that happens is I get dizzy and see sun spots? I ignored the dancing butterflies as Brett and I came to a clearing in the fence that allowed us to see clear to the horizon. As we stood there waiting for the disc to peek over, the puddle of clouds at the edge of the earth was a translucent yellow-grey. I became certain this was going to be the one day in the history of the planet that the sun was going to skip. I guess I was too excited to wait patiently or think rationally because I became convinced that this was it. The very same day we decide to start gazing is the day the sun is going to change the whole game and not come up on time, or possibly come up in the north and set in the south. I didn’t know what shenanigans it was going to pull but I was certain it was up to something. Suddenly my crazy thoughts were pierced by Brett exclaiming “Oh.” I looked up to see that the yellow-grey cloud puddle is now a hot volcanic orange and there is the tiniest round arc of pure fire sliding slowly out from behind them, as if the sun was saying “ready or not, here I come”. I think I squealed! We both started freaking out. I was so excited because as hard as it is to believe, until that moment I thought I’d never see the sun again! Then suddenly there she was, a half circle filling the sky with warmth. Brett reminded me that we have to be barefoot and as we were taking off our shoes he said to be careful of the dog poop. I was so excited that I didn’t even realize I stepped right in it already. My shoe was covered in it. It was disgusting but thank goodness it wasn’t my barefoot that squished into the pile of puppy poo. I quickly regained composure. And after a dry heave or two Brett also regained his. We set his cell phone timer for 5 seconds and waited for the full disc to appear in the sky above the horizon with our bare feet planted directly on the earth. She appeared, we hit start, and we began to gaze. The 5 seconds turned quickly into 15 seconds and I swear I felt beckoned toward the light. We broke our gaze finally and happily began our trek back to the car. I don’t know what the long term effects will be, but I felt something right away. And after the first few seconds of gazing the florescent brightness goes away and it’s as if you are looking at a pulsing gentle ball of campfire. SIDE EFFECTS: you may inadvertently step in dog shit. BENEFITS: Overcoming my fear of staring directly at the thing that gives us all life. I’m starting to think that might be one of the more damaging lies of our childhoods. Staring at the sun will make you go blind, they say. But I’m beginning to think that staring at the sun is the beginning of being able to really see.
Why This?
A blog on Sun-Gazing, what the hell is that? Sounds like some hippie shit, right? Well that’s more or less right, but now it’s hippie shit backed by NASA. I read an article quoting “NASA research” recently that says sun-gazing can give you super human abilities (link to articles below). It boldly claims that we could learn to fly, or to read minds, or to heal others with our hands if only we tilted our gaze ever upwards toward the sun. It’s not even as poetic as that, there’s a whole time interval schedule to follow and a protocol for your feet, but we’ll get into that in a minute. And we aren’t talking about shaman’s in Peru who look up at the sun all day and can float an inch off the ground in some youtube video, we’re talking about toxic, regular, grumpy consumers like you and me. These claims are so attractive and alluring that I decided to find out the truth for myself. I am a gay male in my 30‘s living in West Hollywood with a burning desire to be whole and a burning sensation in my pee that I’m hoping the sun can fix for me (not really though!). This article claims that by 3 months we will lose all worry, tension, and any negative aspect of our personality will be healed. We will feel a self confidence like we’ve never had. And, it went on to say, that within 6-7 months our bodies would be physically healed of every conceivable disease or ailment we could think of. I don’t know about anyone else, but I know I could use that kind of free medical care. Emotionally and mentally I know I can sometimes be an asshole (but only when I don’t get my way) and if gazing at the sun can “cure” me of that, I’m thinking it’s worth the old college try. And physically I have weak gums (according my dentist, but what does he know?) and chronic asthma that has been with me since birth. If taking a good long look at the fireball up in the sky that gives life to everything can give my lungs and gums back their vitality, well, let’s just say I have to know for sure one way or the other. So I’m embarking on a quest, an experiment, if you will, to find out the truth about that sphere of energy up there, silent in the sky, that makes everything possible without saying a word. I am a dogged detective, on the case. I am the Veronica Mars of Sun-Gazing, if you will. Ok, I wouldn’t either; but I will find out the truth and report my experiences and findings as I discover and know them. And that’s not even the best part! By 9 months, according to the article, we will lose all need for food! That’s fucking weird right? But do you know what that could mean? No more ridiculous diets because no more eating! Talk about going right to the source of a problem. And I’m guessing no more pooping, but that’s sort of a side perk, not the main goal. The theory is that the vegetables we eat get their energy from the sun, and we get it from the veggies, so we are basically taking it in directly through our eyes and cutting out the middle man–food. I have wanted to look smokin’ hot and have super powers ever since I can remember. So once I finished that article I knew I’d found my quest. I didn’t have a father to speak of growing up, which mom loves to remind me about, and somewhere in the jungle of my childhood I fell in love with superman and wonder woman, a fictional standard to strive for that showed me I had power inside and could handle anything the jungle could dish out. And, bottom line: I really really believed them! So it’s time for them to make good! My friend and kundalini yoga teacher Brett is embarking on this journey along side me. He will fly. I will read minds. And all we have to do is stare at the sun. So obviously I’m gonna do what anyone who has always wanted superpowers from the time he could say “golden lasso” would do, I’m going to gaze at that mother-fucking sun! I am following a regimen from the article that recommends 10 seconds of sun gazing a day and every day increasing the time by 10 seconds. So on day 3 you stare for 30 seconds and on day 60 you stare for over five minutes and so on until you reach 264 days which is 9 months. By that time you are staring at the sun 44 minutes a day. This must be done at the first hour after sunrise or the last hour before sunset and if you skip a day it messes up some shit “vibrationally” and you have to go back three days and keep going forward. And you have to do this entire gazing thing barefoot and on natural ground like sand, dirt, or grass, to make sure you are electro-magnetically connected to the planet, but what am I saying, everybody knows that. The procedure recommended is for 9 months, the length of a human gestation period. Am I pregnant and being birthed into a new era of life? I hope not because eww–but I also know that I am, I’m coming into a new chapter, crying, glowing, afterbirth and all. Come along for the ride. I will be supplementing my hands on practical research (the gazing) by reading a few books on the subjects of sun-gazing, healing, mother earth, etc. and as that reading informs my experiment I will include it on these pages. I’ll be posting an update almost every day chronicling my experiment to heal myself and to gain the superpowers that are my birthright through the simple intuitive and ancient technology
Questions & Scars & Late Nights at Bars
I walk through thickets they prick my skin I bleed I need where have I been? My eyes are crowded my vision clouded I stumble tumble, fumble Hope is doubted I flail my arms out in the dark block my own flow my own worst foe I stub my toe, I think that’s gonna leave a mark
Spontaneous Gratitude
The present is a present it’s a gift It’s the only moment that can cause real shift Learning happens now Not before, not after Without us knowing how Realization comes in sparks and waves We can’t make inspiration behave To our views we are a slave Events and moments rally to save, to support, to dig up are buried graves A coffin of old dreams Comes back to haunt, it seems but dare to chase those urges and live a life that gleams
Addicted to the Climb (Debauchery Lane)
I’m way up ahead, on Debauchery Lane With snow lined surroundings that make me insane Crush the fine powder under my feet as I march ever higher, I can’t be beat I come to a peak on the rich rolling hills Dance in the grass, then move on to pills I’m reaching the crest I cannot go any higher I feel sublime triumph Like I’m about to retire, or catch fire Then, for no reason I start sliding down The avalanche knocks me around and around I land at the bottom with the force of a truck I cringe at the thought that I’m forever stuck
The Latch Key Life
I wake up daily divided deeply disturbed by both the ease of my life and its listless lack of learning I long to live in love but have not seen such and know not how
Glass Bones
Ebony skin hangs on thin glass bones. As the boys dance I marvel that ankles don’t shatter. Can I have one copper penny is the homeless man’s serenade? And I hum louder, walking by. If I see poverty’s eyes in the man… or the glass boys or the millions of starving dots… then I am stopped by crumbs of light. The eyes, like talking lights tell me about my ragged poor self
Adhesive Residue
My screws are loose And my sanity has been Re-attached so many times with masking tape That my skin burns and becomes rigid From adhesive residue and rejection Madness strips the grooves off of boltsMaking my fingers And my expectations Fall to the floor in a crash And my eyelids flake off And I stare at nothing Wishing darkness was the same thing as peace
