DAY 4: 40 Seconds of Gazing
This morning I glided up to the top of the canyon in Summer (my convertible), top down as always but unlike yesterday I was feeling ready and excited. I guess thirty seconds was my mental hurdle because after doing the gaze yesterday something in me shifted and I now felt confident that if I was able to stare for thirty seconds I would certainly be able to stare for forty. For some reason the wide gulf between twenty and thirty seconds seemed much harder to traverse than the ravine between thirty and forty seconds. It’s as if the sunlight in me has created a bridge from thirty seconds to forty seconds that I can walk across, chipper, eager and ready. Nikki met me at the top again, but this time, instead of standing at the side of the road we made our way down the path into the canyon, into nature. We found a secluded grassy mound with a perfect view of the horizon, excitedly climbed the twenty feet to the top, kicked off our shoes and dove in for the forty seconds. This time as we were waiting for the sun to appear in its full glory I felt expectant, impatient, because now I’m hooked. I didn’t want to wait a second longer. Any addiction I may have had before has been replaced by a deep and revitalizing addiction to sunlight. The gaze went by like an arrow passing through a heart, it seemed to last no time at all but everything was completely different afterwards. The giddiness of the previous mornings showed up again right on cue to escort Nikki and I back to our cars. And I realized that the sun had actually shot an arrow into my heart, it was flirting with me. It was causing my very soul to ache and bleed and yearn for the heights of happiness and peace that I believed were reserved for those who find happy endings in fairy tales and for masters like Jesus or Ghandi. The truth is that this kind of whimsical, relentless ecstasy is available to all of us, all the time. Pardon the expression here, but the sun has shown me the light. Everyday the sunlight pools up in my eyeballs and begins to trickle further and further into my brain. And every cell that gets touched by the light gets switched on by the light. Words become more and more feeble in my effort to communicate in english what is being communicated to me through particles and heat and sheets of yellow. Truth can never be fully explained because the listener of any explanation hears only the words, but does not participate in the experience. As the Toltec say “knowledge is only a description of the dream.” This life is the dream and our experiences are the truth. Truth cannot be told, cannot be outlined and broken down and then understood. It can only be known and felt; it must be experienced. Truth is a living breathing thing, and you must introduce yourself to it in order to know it. Trying to explain what the truth is to someone is like showing them pictures of your wedding and then expecting them to remember it like they were there. They don’t, they only know what you showed them, and that’s how it is with truth. I can explain and you can enjoy the photo album, but you won’t know what the sun is really like until you introduce yourself, make strong eye contact, and commit to spending time together. It’s only polite. POEM: The morning silence and the radiant light open my mind and improve my sight I stare through my tears as my spirit takes flight. SIDE EFFECTS: I’m becoming addicted to the sunlight. BENEFITS: I am starting to feel unstoppable and more tranquil than I thought possible in this unraveling society.
DAY 3: 30 Seconds of Gazing
I had a few martinis last night and then finished off by taking some swigs of swill right out of the cheap white wine bottle on the bottom shelf of my neighbors fridge. I fell asleep quickly and pleasantly enough but I woke up to the sounds of construction banging around in my head. Not because there was any construction; I wake up at 3:30 am so it was quiet and reverent, but my brain was abuzz with the scars from the booze. I rubbed my eyes, seeped out of bed onto the floor and braced myself on the edge of my dresser for the dizzying nausea I was sure was about to hit me. A few moments passed and other than this pulsing yet diminishing headache I was okay. No other hangover symptoms. I couldn’t believe it. I haven’t been drinking much lately so my tolerance is shot and I was fully expecting to wake up to a nauseating pile of consequences in the form of a wretched morning, but the hangover never came. Is this related to the sun-gazing, I began to wonder? I’ve only been at this for a few days and I have quite possibly found the first truly effective cure for a hangover: Gaze at the sun at the merciless hour after sunrise for less than a minute for five days in a row, then go out for drinks, over do it, mix liquor with wine, talk crap with some friends, go to bed and wake up at 3:30 am refreshed! I’m not sure I see that prescription catching on like wildfire or anything, but it is effective. I’m just saying. After my morning yoga & chanting session I hopped into Summer (that’s the name of my sporty white convertible), top down, heat cranking, and cruised up to the top of the canyon to meet Nikki and to meet the gaze of the sun with my own. Today we would gaze for 30 seconds. I have to admit I was feeling a small pit in my tummy because thirty seconds seems like a really long time and I’m starting to realize for the first time just how long 44 minutes is and how I must be a literal certifiable crazy person to have started this ridiculous quest in the first place. I know that I am that socially acceptable form of “crazy” where people roll their eyes when I’m too loud in public. And I’ve been called “quirky” by a large percentage of my friends, and we know quirky is a word you use when you don’t want to tell me that I’ve lost you and I’m not making sense anymore. But now, as Summer and I round the bend and sail into the parking lot I begin to think I’ve completely lost my mind, and not in the cozy people-chuckle-at-your-eccentricities-way, but in the bite-down-on-this-teeth-guard-so-you-don’t-hurt-yourself-when-we-run-1000-volts-of-electricity-though-your-crazy-lunatic-brain-way. I see visions of myself in a padded cell and trying to stab an orderly with a sharpened toothbrush. By the time I park I am internally in a complete panic. How did I get myself into this? What was I thinking putting this up on a blog? The sun is gonna burn my brain right outta my head! I stuffed those thoughts into my knapsack, took a deep breath and got out of the car. Nikki was already waiting for me on the patch of soil, barefoot, smiling and groggy. I showed her no sign of my inner turmoil because I was supposed to be the trailblazer, not the whiny scaredy cat who suddenly wants to quit before day three. We took our positions, readied the timer and waited for the sun to make an entrance. We kept an eye in the general eastward direction and began to chat about nothing while we waited. After a few moments I noticed that the sun had indeed already entered and is shrouded behind a thin smear of clouds. A euphoric wave of relief washed over me. All the fear and pressure of a thirty-second stare drained from body through the bottoms of my feet that were, by now, buried in the earth. I love you, clouds! I could stare at this cloudy ball of sunshine forever, no problem. We kept the time and took the plunge. Thirty seconds went by like it was five and when Nikki said the time was up I involuntarily barked “No, I don’t want to stop.” I came to my senses about eight seconds later and looked away. I felt like I had just lost some cosmic staring contest. The experience of looking at the cloud-glazed sun for thirty seconds was truly profound. It’s hard to explain what happens inside my eyes and my heart as I stare. I am pulled. I am beckoned. I have felt a glimpse of this on the other days, but with the extra ten seconds today it was a visceral experience. When you stare at the sun it’s not just your eyes that get involved. You enter a conversation. And the longer you stare the more interesting and stimulating the conversation becomes. When it was time to stop today it almost felt rude to look away, as if I had finally gotten the sun’s attention and right when he was about to speak I say “never mind” and turn my head. In every source of research I’ve seen on this subject the common thread is the advice to take it slowly and not to rush it. I understand now why that is repeated like a mantra throughout the books and articles I’ve come across. The sun is addicting, and it’s enthralling. It pulls you in and invites you to stay. If you don’t exercise the will to break free at the proper time you could easily sit there lost in bliss while the unassuming sun happily fills you with energy and fries your eyes off. The giddiness of previous mornings pervaded my countenance today as well, wrapping itself around
DAY 2: 20 Seconds of Gazing
This morning Brett teaches a 7 a.m. yoga class so in the interest of time he did his gazing from a little patch of grass down the road from The Golden Bridge. I am partial to the top of the canyon where there is a little more nature and a little less city so today is the first day we did our gazing separately. Nikki has decided she is in this with us for the entire experiment, so she and I made our way to the top of the canyon, buried our warm feet in cool earth and gazed at the globe of heat for twenty seconds as it hovered just over the horizon. I relaxed my face and opened my eyes and for about fifteen seconds I was at ease and just felt a mild intensity radiating through my eye. For the last few seconds my face tensed up and I had to force my squinty eyes to stay open for just a little while longer. The intensity changed from passing through me to bouncing around inside my head and filled my eyes with tears. The giddiness of previous days, however, came on within moments of finishing the gaze again. I thought to myself that I could really get used to this feeling. How often in a day do you feel completely on top of the world, like everyone and everything is on your side? It’s almost as if life becomes a cartoon fable and I could expect the trees to lift me, the birds to guide me, and perhaps a family of mice might even sew me a sweater for the cool mornings. I’m calling it a feeling of mystical euphoria, because it’s beyond just feeling like magic and it’s much more powerful than just euphoria. It’s a feeling that comes from an ancient place, from a grounded place. It’s as if the giddiness will dwell with me as long as I honor how powerful and wise it is. This joy that enters me from the sun demands respect. I feel as if the sun is instructing me in how to interact with it. It has a conscious hand in guiding me through this process. I am beyond a feeling of simple joy, it’s a feeling a comfort, of camaraderie, of being in the presence of something alive, a companion, not simply a scientifically quantified ball of different types of heat and gas. I am starting to think the sun is a complex yet accessible form of intelligence that yearns to communicate with us, and to commune with us, if only we would root out the lies and over come our fears of even so much as making eye contact with it. I think how I would feel if every single person I looked at or called to, or freely gave my warmth and energy to would look away, never to meet my gaze again. How would it be to go through life with no more eye contact from anyone, ever? I start to imagine that the sun feels this isolation from us as deeply as we may feel the isolation from it. The sun thinks, it decides, it supports. It is conscious and it wants to make eye contact with us, to get our attention, and then just to warm our chin, hold our shoulders and remind us with it’s deep and peaceful gaze that everything is going to be okay. Well I can’t speak for all of humanity, but I can look up, filled with gratitude that it’s still willing to nourish me, and say a deep and hearty thank you! I agree, Sun, everything is going to be okay. SIDE EFFECTS: An intense need to squint around 15 seconds in, and a mild ache in my eye that lasted less than an hour. BENEFITS: I am beginning to feel like the sun has a personality that is unique and it’s starting to trust me enough to reveal itself to me. Don’t make that face, I am completely sane!
DAY 1: 10 Seconds of Gazing
The gazing finally begins. Brett and I raced to the top of the canyon again this morning but I was feeling more settled and at peace because we knew exactly where to park and exactly where to stand due to our dress rehearsal during our dry run two days ago. The sun was set to rise at 6:31am, which means at our vantage point from the top of the canyon its approximately 6:43 when the sun peeks over to say hello. We were running a little behind schedule so we parked quickly and started at a pace to our spot, it was already 6:48 and I didn’t want to stare at a white hot ball again like we did during our prep day yesterday. Our friend and neighbor Nikki heard about our experiment and decided to join in as well. She met us at the top just as we were heading down the path and by this time the sun was fully awake and hanging low in the sky on the brighter side of yellow. So we decided to forget heading down the path and just dug our bare feet into a patch of soil at the edge of the parking lot where we could see the fiery eye just fine. I took out my timer, and when each of the gazers said they were ready I hit start, said go, and we began the ten seconds of gazing. As one might expect it was over it a flash, I mean it was so quick it felt like it was all of ten seconds long. When it was finished there were tears in my eyes and a pressure and a warmth in my forehead. But I felt giddy. We all did. We excitedly gabbed about our experiences like school girls talking about the new hot boy in gym class as we made our way back to our cars. Or I guess I should say school boys too, because who am I kidding, any hot guy that walked into my gym class made me want to giggle with excitement when I was in high school. If it wasn’t for the heavy oak closet door I was hiding behind, I would have gossiped with the giddy girls every chance I could. The pressure in my face wasn’t unpleasant at all this time, it was merely a fact of the gaze’s aftermath, harmless but noticeable, like the lingering sent of perfume hanging in the air long after the lady wearing it has disappeared into the night. I don’t know if the giddiness I have felt after all three of my gazing sessions so far (Day One and the two dress rehearsals this weekend) is an instant and immediate effect of the sungazing itself or if it’s the sweet taste of accomplishment and pride for having made it to the top of the canyon at the ass crack of dawn and honoring the commitment I made to myself. Time will tell. For now I will just enjoy the giddiness for what it is, a splendid mood that seems to be carrying me through my days and landing me gently on my pillow the last three nights. There has been no change in my eating habits. As I type this I just finished up a tomato and mozzarella panini and I’m nursing an iced chai tea latte. I love food and I particularly love junk food. But I also love being in great shape. If the gazing can take some of my more destructive appetites away, I am all for it. I’ve been reading a book this week called “The Earth Was Flat: Insight into the Ancient Practice of Sungazing” and in it author Mason Howe Dwinell says that according to his research the sunlight, when taken in through the eyes, can not only diminish one’s need for food, but it can actually tighten up muscles and melt fat cells away. As I read that I was hit with a rush of joy because, holy shit, I can just stand there and stare, and my stomach tire is just going to melt away! I’ve struck gold. But then I started to think I had heard something like this before. But where? Oh yeah, on every infomercial for every slim fast shake or diet wonder pill out there that makes the same basic claim: go ahead and eat crap and do nothing, but as long as you take this pill or drink this proprietary blend you will have the body you want in no time at all. I felt deflated. On the one hand, these claims of fat melting away seemed preposterous. But on the other hand I was up here staring at the sun to see if I can miraculously heal my gums and gain the ability to read minds. So if I’m willing to make the trek up to the top of the canyon every morning to pursue miracle healing and super powers it started to seem a little absurd to doubt that the sun might work on my physique better than weight watchers would. I don’t know if the sun can change my body like that, but I am definitely interested in finding out. So the experiment goes on. I realize it is my doubt in this process that made me want to embark on this quest to begin with; but it is my faith in the process that motivates me to drag my ass up to the top of the canyon every morning to do what we have all been repeatedly warned not to do: to open my eyes wide and stare directly into the sun. I never was very good at doing what I was told. SIDE EFFECTS: I felt the skull pressure again, but less intense than during the dry run. BENEFITS: There is a giddiness that comes out of nowhere and seems to last all day long.
FINAL PREPARATION: 12 Seconds of Gazing
Today Brett & I decided to keep the momentum from yesterday alive and do another pre-”day one” day of sun gazing. But we wanted to explore other vistas. So upon the advice of his teacher we headed for Beachwood Canyon, which is aptly named, because despite how high we climbed, the mountain in front of the sun just kept insisting on remaining higher. We were in a canyon indeed. We had to wait until 35 minutes after the official sunrise to see the disc today and that meant she was gonna be brighter and more intense than she is when she’s still stretching and yawning with that orange amber glow like yesterday. We made small talk and buried our toes in sand as we waited for an eternity to see the light show. Unlike yesterday I knew the sun was going to show up today, but to me, she was late and without so much as a phone call! We saw two bunnies hopping along haplessly and we whistled to the birds, who in a grand symphony whistled and chirped back. But the whimsy of the moment turned to wondering where the hell the sun was; we were freezing our asses off up there. The buried toes became tapping toes as we glared at one other like two mystified and flabbergasted parents who couldn’t believe their disrespectful child would keep them waiting like this. When she finally showed, she was, as predicted in a harsh mood. After staring at the sun for twelve seconds my eyes were full of tears and my skull behind my eyes was pulsating and warm. It felt like sinus pressure, but it came from the gazing. I’m just going to take it one day at a time. As my skull pressure returned to normal I remembered the phrase written on the tomb of Hermes that was said to be the key to the whole universe: “as above so below, as within so without.” Maybe the sun beams had burned my brains but I began to wonder what if this were to be taken literally? Everything in our physical world is made up of molecules. These molecules, according to quantum physics are little vibrating balls of energy, even the stuff that looks solid. Stuff looks solid because molecules are so small that we can’t see the vibration. So at one point we discovered that molecules are the smallest thing in the universe. But as we zoom closer into any molecule, we notice that it is really atoms flying around in orbital patterns that make up a molecule. So an atom is the smallest thing in the universe. Then as we take a deeper look we see that atoms are really protons, neutrons and electrons all flying in orbital patterns around each other. So clearly, protons, neutrons and electrons are the smallest things in the universe. As our gaze turns back to the particles we see a whole mess of stuff crammed inside the protons, neutrons and electrons, and running out of normal sounding words at this point, scientists decide to call those quarks. It’s decided! Quarks are the smallest things in the whole universe. But are they? At this point another sweeping statement of finality leaves me dubious. After all, the earth was flat once and fire was the devil. So I’m gonna play this one close to vest; I’m thinking our human collective opinion may change yet again. I’m almost sure of it. This got me thinking about orbits and about how we are living on a sort of massive proton spinning around the sun, and how the sun is just a massive atom spinning around the galaxy. And how the galaxy is just a massive molecule existing somewhere in the universe. “Does that make me a quark?” I wondered. Or am I even smaller than that? Am I the detail on the quark or in the quark that science hasn’t yet invented the way to see or the name for? Is it possible that as much detail and creativity and tragedy and triumph and beauty and destruction and invention as exists on this planet also exists on or in each and every quark? As within, so without, as above so below. I’m thinking, yeah, maybe. The idea of life being a fractal, when taken poetically can lift our spirits. When taken literally, however, it can begin to explain why some things just can’t be explained. We say tidal waves are from weather patterns and earthquakes are from shifting crusts. But we don’t explore what is the motivating force behind the weather, behind the crusts, that makes them move at all? What if these disasters are just the result of existence at a different scale of size getting off the couch, or hopping into the shower? If everything is molecules, from the water to my skin then I could imagine that anytime I shower that could be the equivalent of a meteor shower for the little details who live their lives to scale on one of the planets on one of the protons on my face as I splash myself happily with warm water, tidal wave after tidal wave, and to me it’s harmless good hygiene. But to them the time from morning to each morning is perhaps 26,000 years. What if eclipses are when lovers at a larger scale of existence kiss or make love. I’m not sure of all the details, but speaking as one of the details, I know that every last detail is important. The benevolence of the universe is that we exist at every level. This renders every “act of god” harmless and meaningless because God didn’t mean to hurt us anymore than we mean to hurt the consciousness living inside our quarks when we slide into home plate or burn our hands on the frying pan. I am within the molecule. I am the molecule. The molecule is within me. I’m not sure where that leaves me, and
THE DRY RUN: 15 SECONDS of GAZING
Brett and I decided to do a “dry run” today so that we could make sure to find a good spot at the top of the canyon to observe the rising disc, and also to time out the drive from the morning yoga & chanting session to the canyon. The first official day of Sun-Gazing is this Monday April 7th, two days from now, so we are preparing ourselves. We made our way from the Golden Bridge Yoga Studio to the top of the canyon in a giddy buzz of excitement and palpable anticipation. Anything could happen now and we both knew it. The gays were on there way to gaze! We made it to the top of the canyon and found a parking spot with no problem at all. As we walked down the path looking for a clear view I noticed butterflies doing the hokey pokey in my stomach. I can only assume they were dancing in anticipation of the solar sun rays that were about to enhance every aspect of my being. Or possibly they were aflutter because I was feeling stupid for thinking that gazing at the sun could fix all my problems and how would I admit that on my blog today when all that happens is I get dizzy and see sun spots? I ignored the dancing butterflies as Brett and I came to a clearing in the fence that allowed us to see clear to the horizon. As we stood there waiting for the disc to peek over, the puddle of clouds at the edge of the earth was a translucent yellow-grey. I became certain this was going to be the one day in the history of the planet that the sun was going to skip. I guess I was too excited to wait patiently or think rationally because I became convinced that this was it. The very same day we decide to start gazing is the day the sun is going to change the whole game and not come up on time, or possibly come up in the north and set in the south. I didn’t know what shenanigans it was going to pull but I was certain it was up to something. Suddenly my crazy thoughts were pierced by Brett exclaiming “Oh.” I looked up to see that the yellow-grey cloud puddle is now a hot volcanic orange and there is the tiniest round arc of pure fire sliding slowly out from behind them, as if the sun was saying “ready or not, here I come”. I think I squealed! We both started freaking out. I was so excited because as hard as it is to believe, until that moment I thought I’d never see the sun again! Then suddenly there she was, a half circle filling the sky with warmth. Brett reminded me that we have to be barefoot and as we were taking off our shoes he said to be careful of the dog poop. I was so excited that I didn’t even realize I stepped right in it already. My shoe was covered in it. It was disgusting but thank goodness it wasn’t my barefoot that squished into the pile of puppy poo. I quickly regained composure. And after a dry heave or two Brett also regained his. We set his cell phone timer for 5 seconds and waited for the full disc to appear in the sky above the horizon with our bare feet planted directly on the earth. She appeared, we hit start, and we began to gaze. The 5 seconds turned quickly into 15 seconds and I swear I felt beckoned toward the light. We broke our gaze finally and happily began our trek back to the car. I don’t know what the long term effects will be, but I felt something right away. And after the first few seconds of gazing the florescent brightness goes away and it’s as if you are looking at a pulsing gentle ball of campfire. SIDE EFFECTS: you may inadvertently step in dog shit. BENEFITS: Overcoming my fear of staring directly at the thing that gives us all life. I’m starting to think that might be one of the more damaging lies of our childhoods. Staring at the sun will make you go blind, they say. But I’m beginning to think that staring at the sun is the beginning of being able to really see.
Why This?
A blog on Sun-Gazing, what the hell is that? Sounds like some hippie shit, right? Well that’s more or less right, but now it’s hippie shit backed by NASA. I read an article quoting “NASA research” recently that says sun-gazing can give you super human abilities (link to articles below). It boldly claims that we could learn to fly, or to read minds, or to heal others with our hands if only we tilted our gaze ever upwards toward the sun. It’s not even as poetic as that, there’s a whole time interval schedule to follow and a protocol for your feet, but we’ll get into that in a minute. And we aren’t talking about shaman’s in Peru who look up at the sun all day and can float an inch off the ground in some youtube video, we’re talking about toxic, regular, grumpy consumers like you and me. These claims are so attractive and alluring that I decided to find out the truth for myself. I am a gay male in my 30‘s living in West Hollywood with a burning desire to be whole and a burning sensation in my pee that I’m hoping the sun can fix for me (not really though!). This article claims that by 3 months we will lose all worry, tension, and any negative aspect of our personality will be healed. We will feel a self confidence like we’ve never had. And, it went on to say, that within 6-7 months our bodies would be physically healed of every conceivable disease or ailment we could think of. I don’t know about anyone else, but I know I could use that kind of free medical care. Emotionally and mentally I know I can sometimes be an asshole (but only when I don’t get my way) and if gazing at the sun can “cure” me of that, I’m thinking it’s worth the old college try. And physically I have weak gums (according my dentist, but what does he know?) and chronic asthma that has been with me since birth. If taking a good long look at the fireball up in the sky that gives life to everything can give my lungs and gums back their vitality, well, let’s just say I have to know for sure one way or the other. So I’m embarking on a quest, an experiment, if you will, to find out the truth about that sphere of energy up there, silent in the sky, that makes everything possible without saying a word. I am a dogged detective, on the case. I am the Veronica Mars of Sun-Gazing, if you will. Ok, I wouldn’t either; but I will find out the truth and report my experiences and findings as I discover and know them. And that’s not even the best part! By 9 months, according to the article, we will lose all need for food! That’s fucking weird right? But do you know what that could mean? No more ridiculous diets because no more eating! Talk about going right to the source of a problem. And I’m guessing no more pooping, but that’s sort of a side perk, not the main goal. The theory is that the vegetables we eat get their energy from the sun, and we get it from the veggies, so we are basically taking it in directly through our eyes and cutting out the middle man–food. I have wanted to look smokin’ hot and have super powers ever since I can remember. So once I finished that article I knew I’d found my quest. I didn’t have a father to speak of growing up, which mom loves to remind me about, and somewhere in the jungle of my childhood I fell in love with superman and wonder woman, a fictional standard to strive for that showed me I had power inside and could handle anything the jungle could dish out. And, bottom line: I really really believed them! So it’s time for them to make good! My friend and kundalini yoga teacher Brett is embarking on this journey along side me. He will fly. I will read minds. And all we have to do is stare at the sun. So obviously I’m gonna do what anyone who has always wanted superpowers from the time he could say “golden lasso” would do, I’m going to gaze at that mother-fucking sun! I am following a regimen from the article that recommends 10 seconds of sun gazing a day and every day increasing the time by 10 seconds. So on day 3 you stare for 30 seconds and on day 60 you stare for over five minutes and so on until you reach 264 days which is 9 months. By that time you are staring at the sun 44 minutes a day. This must be done at the first hour after sunrise or the last hour before sunset and if you skip a day it messes up some shit “vibrationally” and you have to go back three days and keep going forward. And you have to do this entire gazing thing barefoot and on natural ground like sand, dirt, or grass, to make sure you are electro-magnetically connected to the planet, but what am I saying, everybody knows that. The procedure recommended is for 9 months, the length of a human gestation period. Am I pregnant and being birthed into a new era of life? I hope not because eww–but I also know that I am, I’m coming into a new chapter, crying, glowing, afterbirth and all. Come along for the ride. I will be supplementing my hands on practical research (the gazing) by reading a few books on the subjects of sun-gazing, healing, mother earth, etc. and as that reading informs my experiment I will include it on these pages. I’ll be posting an update almost every day chronicling my experiment to heal myself and to gain the superpowers that are my birthright through the simple intuitive and ancient technology
Questions & Scars & Late Nights at Bars
I walk through thickets they prick my skin I bleed I need where have I been? My eyes are crowded my vision clouded I stumble tumble, fumble Hope is doubted I flail my arms out in the dark block my own flow my own worst foe I stub my toe, I think that’s gonna leave a mark
Spontaneous Gratitude
The present is a present it’s a gift It’s the only moment that can cause real shift Learning happens now Not before, not after Without us knowing how Realization comes in sparks and waves We can’t make inspiration behave To our views we are a slave Events and moments rally to save, to support, to dig up are buried graves A coffin of old dreams Comes back to haunt, it seems but dare to chase those urges and live a life that gleams
Addicted to the Climb (Debauchery Lane)
I’m way up ahead, on Debauchery Lane With snow lined surroundings that make me insane Crush the fine powder under my feet as I march ever higher, I can’t be beat I come to a peak on the rich rolling hills Dance in the grass, then move on to pills I’m reaching the crest I cannot go any higher I feel sublime triumph Like I’m about to retire, or catch fire Then, for no reason I start sliding down The avalanche knocks me around and around I land at the bottom with the force of a truck I cringe at the thought that I’m forever stuck
